My Personal story

In 2019, it was a cool, gloomy March day. I had dropped my 2 yr old off at preschool for the day and went back home to prepare for my work day. I went in my father's room, where his door was shut since he worked nights and tried to sleep with me and my 2yr old in the home. Prior to the Monday, he had taken a week long vacation as he needed it working in Law enforcement as a Lieutenant. He had witnessed shootings, overdoses, child abuse, etc. So of course he suffered from depression and PTSD. He had been on medication. Friday before the Monday, I worked in Nashville as always and came home to change before I picked up my daughter. He was in the kitchen and asked where I had been. Something wasn't right because he knew I always worked in Nashville on Fridays. So I asked him about it, and he informed me he had been off his anti depressant for a week and was having"thoughts"& heart was racing. I sort of brushed it off but informed his best friend to see about calling him to see if he wanted to go eat or something. He didnt answer. Daughter and I went to eat and came back home and I did laundry and as I was putting his clothes up, I found a note. I grabbed it and kept it in my wallet and later sent my mom a picture secretly.I tried talking with him on Sat and he said nothing was wrong. I got him his favorite "Joey sirloin" from outback while he slept in the bed with my daughter until I got back home. He came stumbling in the kitchen and I asked what had he taken and he said he accidentally took 2 of his new medication. I had went and found a pharmacy that had his other new rx in stock and got it while I was getting his steak. Thankfully I snapped a screenshot of him laying in the bed with my daughter on that Saturday because little did I know that would be the last time she slept or saw him again. Sunday he slept in and I figured that medicine was too strong and knocked him out. After I got home Monday, he did get up to use restroom while I was in other room. I asked if he wanted me to fix him breakfast and he said no and asked what I was doing for the day and I said I was calling a few of my patients and I had to meet a lady I sold some sandals to. I came back home and typed notes  and went to open his bedroom door to ask if he wanted me to fix him anything to eat before I got my daughter for the evening....he was laid in the supine position with both arms to his sides and hands down with 1 over his phone how he always slept. He didnt respond and I looked to find the gun by his right hand neatly placed. Still confused because he is left handed and how did he pass and look so peaceful. I called 911 and my mom and grandma(his mom). His mom noticed the hole on top of the quilt. Still so strange how he laid there with no blood visible. My adrenaline was up so much I didnt even know where I had placed his gun in that short time period.  I had note still in my wallet. I went through guilt I didn't do more and ask more, made him talk, anger at him for what happened,& grief all at the same time. I experienced anger months after and still do at times with events that I know bothered him that may have led up to his passing.  That is my story and I know how bad it hurts to see someone you love just there and its too late for cpr or anything. I questioned if someone came in and done it maybe or what? I went through a lot of emotions for months. Did therapy and med changes and nothing seemed to help. Time helps but it doesn't take away the pain and anger. Now my daughter is growing up without a father and her grandfather and I have no daddy. I know he and his mom are now at peace in Heaven together and no more worries except from me maybe....hearing other stories can help one heal and know you are not alone! It's a sad day every birthday because we shared the same birthday but I am learning that I have loved ones here on Earth that still love and can celebrate with me while memories still remain always of the fun times we shared.

RIH DADDY 

March 2019